One of the first things children will experiment with when they get their first device is online communication in the form of text, iMessage, Messenger, WhatsApp and other messaging and social media platforms. Whilst the novelty of it can be very exciting, children as young as 8 years old are finding themselves in icky friendship situations online. Why does this happen?
Cyber safety is at the forefront of our minds and we spend a great deal of time talking to children about privacy, safety, Stranger Danger and all of those extremely important topics. In addition to this, one of the most important things young people with their first device need to learn about is positive communication.
This seems to be becoming a common concern among parents whose children are embarking on their first device through BYOD and other IT Programs at school that are starting as young as Year 2.
Here’s the problem: With around only 10% of communication being verbal there is so much left to inference and interpretation.
Imagine face to face communication without the nuances of communication like tone, expression, posture and gesture. As an adult, trying to read tone in a text can, and most likely has, gotten us into strife from time to time. Imagine what we are asking of children. And then we throw in the complications of grammar for children who are just learning the conventions of writing;
“I won’t tell her we are friends” or “I won’t tell her, we are friends”
“Let’s eat Grandma!” or “Let’s eat, Grandma!”
It’s hard to deal with things face to face, and this is of the reasons we have seen a rise in online conflict like cyber bullying and trolling; adults feeling very braver behind their keyboard sending unkind comments to and about others.
In little people this would look like unkind emojis, being excluded from group chats, talking about gatherings they weren’t invited to, posting a pic that might make them feel jealous, not being tagged in something, carrying on a conversation in a group chat while ignoring someone present.
Here are some tips for parents on the best way to navigate this challenge and help equip children with positive communication skills.
- Keep an eye on your child’s chats and chat group. It’s not spying! Firstly, you want to make sure you know everyone who they are talking to, secondly its important to find those teachable moments about positive communication and healthy friendships. They are learning, and we are guiding them, in the same way we would sit with them as they clock up the hours on their learner drivers’ licence.
- Have conversations often about what certain comments might mean, what are the possible nuances that come with a range of comments. Make it a fun game and have a conversation from your device to theirs and try to interpret each other’s messages.
- Remind your child never to type anything they wouldn’t say to someone’s face, and any issues that arise should be dealt with face to face, not online. Discuss ways that can help a text to be understood, like adding an emoji of some sort? Smiley or winky face?
- If a friend is trying to start a fight over text let them know they don’t need to engage in that conversation. Children who are mean to others need our help. If children get away with being mean they can may grow up to be mean adults. The bystanders are so important. We need to teach people how we want to be treated. Bring the chat to close in a friendly way and offer to discuss it face to face and another time.
- If something is unkind and persistent it is important to take a screen shot of what they see and share it with a trusted adult who can help them work through the next step. If that trusted adult is you.. stay calm! You want them to know that even though their feelings inside are big, you are their safe place and they can come to you again when they need to.
- Provide positive role models. All over social media there are examples of adults behaving badly. Be sure to monitor what your children are exposed to online. Even a Youtube video with unkind comments or a Facebook story with unwanted negative feedback.
- Know that they will make mistakes. Children have big emotions and they will sometimes get in the way.
Unfortunately, the online world gets quite a bad rap. As adults we can change the way we talk about it. We can show our children how to use the online world to spread kindness. By sending positive quotes and images, modelling positive communication and respectful online behaviour we are helping to change the culture of the online world.